In a new interview, Machine Gun Kelly has revealed he’s going to therapy for the first time and opened up about his past drug use.
“Currently, my drug of choice is happiness and commitment to the art, rather than commitment to a vice that I believed made the art. I’m taking steps,” the 30-year-old rapper said in a conversation with Dave Franco for Interview magazine.
The “Forget Me Too” punk rocker said he realized, “That’s the first time I ever went, ‘Hey, I need to separate these two people,’ which is Machine Gun Kelly and Colson Baker. The dichotomy is too intense for me.”
Kelly also revealed that he previously used drugs to try and “unlock” something in his brain.
“Adderall was a huge thing for me for a long time,” he shared. “And I went from orally taking it to then snorting it, and then it became something where I was scared to ever go into a studio if I didn’t have something. I wouldn’t even step out unless there was a medicine man who was going to visit me and give me what I needed.”
The rapper realized he had a problem because of his dependency on the drug.
“You’re telling yourself you can’t do this without that, when really it’s in you the whole time,” he said. “If that pill did that for you, then everyone who’s taken that would just be making albums and writing songs. And so that limited me.”
Because Kelly is now early on in his therapeutic process, he admitted that he at times feels impatient with his progress.
“I’m still kind of ripping my hair out,” he told Franco. “Why am I not changing overnight? How am I supposed to meditate for 10 minutes when I can’t even sit in my own brain for two minutes without distracting myself by doing something? That’s really hard.”
However, the rapper said the commitment to change is “inspiring” and keeps him motivated.
“The willingness to finally be happy with my own self has invited a much more vibrant energy around us than before,” he explained.
Kelly said he’s also turned to Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker for mentorship.
“It’s much different than a priest or something, where I’m like, ‘How can you relate to me? It’s easy for you to tell me I can get through it when you’ve never faced these obstacles,'” he said. “Whereas with Travis it’s like, ‘I know for a fact that you went through what I’m going through.'”
The entertainer said girlfriend Megan Fox has been there for him during “dark nights” and to “help you get out of your head and put it in perspective, that really, really helps.”
Kelly and Fox, 34, made their relationship Instagram official in July. The rapper said it’s the first time he’s ever really fallen in love.
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